Disney sequels destroy my childhood.

While we’re on the Disney end of the spectrum, let’s talk about Disney sequels, specifically the sequels to Disney classics.

I’m one of those Disney fans who hates the sequels/prequels/midquels that the company has been shelling out. Apart from having subpar animation compared to the originals, most of them completely rob the originals of their magic/romance, thus destroying my childhood (I will forever be traumatized by John Smith suddenly turning into a complete asshole in Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World). The only sequel and midquel I really enjoyed were The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride and The Lion King 1½.

It’s like the sequels are just there to rake in more cash from the fans. For shame.

Don’t lump me with the Disney sequel haters who haven’t actually seen any of them; I gave a number of sequels a shot before I started complaining. Here are the few that I’ve seen (i.e. sequels that watched at least halfway through) so far:

• The Return of Jafar and Aladdin and the King of Thieves - saw these a long time ago. I remember kind of liking them, but I don’t know if I’d enjoy them if I saw them again anytime soon.
• Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas - now this one had potential, probably because it was a midquel and not a sequel. Too bad about that plot hole named Forte. I mean, everyone got turned into household objects that could talk and move; he got turned into a pipe organ that can talk, move (well, fine, he was chained to the wall) and use evil magic. Complete with the glowing green imps and musical notes/scales. Ugh.
• Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World – There goes my childhood. I know they made a mistake in the first movie (the real Pocahontas was only a pre-teen when John Smith and company came along), but they didn’t have to force a correction like this. Turning one of the coolest leading Disney male to date into an utterly selfish asshole was a very bad move.
• The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride – This wasn’t too bad, though there’s still a big plot hole in that it left me wondering where Zira and her cubs had been the whole time while Scar was ruling the Pride Lands.
• The Lion King 1½ – This wasn’t too bad either; I rather enjoyed learning more about Timon and Pumbaa, and their humor is always welcome.
• The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea: Look Ma, a backwards sequel! In the first film, Ariel wanted to be a human, now her daughter wants to be a mermaid. And she looks like she had a wig made in the shape of her mother’s hair with her father’s hair color. And Ursula turns out to have a sister who looks like an anorexic version of her. Riiiiight.
• Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp’s Adventure – Lookie, another backwards sequel. Tramp wanted to be a domestic dog, now his son wants to be a junkyard dog. Seems like they’re running out of ideas.
• Cinderella II: Dreams Come True and Cinderella III: A Twist in Time – I only watched parts of these, but I’d say it was enough. The films’ premises were bland, the animation was half-assed, and all those close-ups of Lady Tremaine made her seem more cheesy than scary. I liked the Prince much better in the original too, because he didn’t talk.
• Return to Neverland – this was another sequel that I found to be somewhat enjoyable. I liked how they showed how war can affect a child’s mindset.

Ariel's clone-- er...I mean, Ariel's mother, Queen Athena.

The latest sequel – well, prequel actually – that I’ve heard of is The Little Mermaid III: Ariel’s Beginning. I haven’t seen it, but after seeing a screenshot of Ariel’s mother (that’s her on the right), I just threw up my hands in defeat.

My classmates and I burst into laughter when we saw this image. I mean, look at her. It’s like Ariel had her hair dyed, tied it back, put on some bling (including her father’s crown), and painted her bikini a different color.

I’m starting to wonder just how many wives King Triton had, given that Ariel has six other sisters who don’t look like their mother as much as she does.

...call me sick, but this looks kind of wrong if you had no idea that that mermaid's supposed to be Ariel's mother.

ABS-CBN denies Twilight remake

Obviously a fake poster, but then again, the entire project was a lie too. Found at the anti-Takipsilim petition page.

Okay, so I found out about this a little late…but apparently, ABS-CBN has stated that the news about the network coming up with a local adaptation of Twilight (which was supposedly entitled Takipsilim) is a hoax. ABS-CBN stated that “The duty editor who uploaded the story failed to check with ABS-CBN Broadcasting Corp. whether the story was correct and accurate.”

While part of me still doubts ABS-CBN’s denial (for all we know they just got threatened by this online anti-Takipsilim petition and decided to back out the project), I’m quite happy to hear that it was all a hoax. Filipinos already have a bad reputation of being unoriginal and just being happy with copying what’s already out in the foreign market, so a crappy remake of a crappy book was really the last thing we needed.

Oh, and I’m impressed by the sheer number of people who signed that aforementioned petition…not counting the people who just posted to bash the people who got duped by that news post at the ABS-CBN website, of course. I’m glad to see that even local Twilight fans knew that it was a horrible idea.

Twilight to be made into a local TV show

As if it isn’t bad enough that the horrid piece of glorified fanfiction known as Twilight is being readily devoured by impressionable tweens and teenagers, local TV station ABS-CBN has announced their upcoming TV adaptation of the novel. God help us all.

A more suitable cover and title for the series that I found lying around in 4chan.